Monday, August 11, 2008

When to Call 911

A few years ago, after responding to a series of "Taxi" calls in the dead of night, I generated this list and posted it on my MySpace page and my personal blog. I recieved some rave reviews and thought it would fit in good here.

When to call 911:

1. When you or someone you know stops breathing, moving, or a combination of both.
2. When you or someone you know gets hit by a truck, car, or something that is moving fast enough that the kinetic energy transfer will cause bodily harm.
3. You or someone you know has taken an over abundance of an illegal substance and it has caused you to fall into number 1’s category.
4. You or someone you know fallen from a great height and one of your appendages is now angled funny and you can’t move it.
5. You or someone you know is bleeding uncontrollably.
6. The law states that anything that is a perceived threat is cause to activate the emergency system.

Although number 6 covers a broad range of situations, here are some helpful hints as to what shouldn’t be perceived threats.

1. You’ve dropped a sofa on you big toe three weeks ago. It’s 3 in the morning and you just noticed your nail turned black.
2. You can’t sleep and you think the ambulance or hospital will help.
3. You’ve had a fight with you significant other and you find solace in laying on an active railroad crossing. Though this is more of a cry for help, skip the dramatics and just call a shrink or couples counselor.
4. You’ve just had sex a few hours ago then realize your partner is “coyote ugly” so you fake passing out.
5. You feel nervous because your internet connection went down.
6. You feel nervous because your car is low on gas.
7. During the course of your suicide attempt, you choke on the very pills that were going to kill you an hour from now.
8. You feel nervous because your cell phone bill is too high.
9. You can’t sleep and you have a toothache. I know I already mentioned can’t sleep, but even with the toothache added, it’s still not a threat.
10. You feel nervous because the rent is due.
11. You noticed that the toe nail from number 1 has fallen off.
12. You feel nervous that the toe nail fell off.
13. You fell nervous that your beer is empty.
14. You are out of beer.

The Declaimer:

The above stated shouldn’t be perceived or construed as an actual list of accurate information of what to do in an emergency situation. It simply depicts a jovial rant that because of the mood I’m in this morning, felt the need to post. If you or someone you know feels that they need assistance, please call for help!

1 comment:

Sheri said...

#2, been there, done that, several times. "Respond, lady who states she is extremely tired." EOC, 3:01am. Yeah, lady, me too!! GO TO BED! Drive me CRAZY! Don't get me wrong, I don't mind for a second going for a true emergency, but I'm the lucky jinx. If I'm there, no matter how dire it sounds, it will be nothing!